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I burst into tears when she pointed out there are children that are never adopted because they're not considered attractive. Why have I never even considered that?

It bothers me so much how women are demonized for being vain, meanwhile since adolescence society values them based on their appearance. The desire to be attractive is the desire to be respected.

Being born beautiful is like winning the lottery

Okay, but Olay's big sister making a powerpoint presentation to impress upon all the sisters that they are beautiful, is epic big-sistering. Giving everyone a briefing that we will all be having good self esteem, write that down.

Lookism plays into mental health and neurodivergence as well. People are more likely to give your behavior a pass when your attractive because you are seen as “quirky” instead of weird.

The thing with Lena also touches on how we depict s*xual violence. Often in our media predators will be shown as “ugly” in someway. They are often depicted as fat and/or socially awkward, and disabled.

The way I’ve been waiting for this!!! Also, I love how your mom and sister spoke beauty into you. People don’t realize how hard it can be when the world tells you you’re ugly and then you family too?!?? Lawd.

I grew up ugly and until my mid twenties I lived as an ugly person. Everyone tells you when you’re beautiful, unprompted. No one tells you you’re ugly, but you can FEEL that shit in the way you’re treated, dismissed, passed over, etc.

No when Mitski said “I’ve been big and small..and big and small..and big and small again. And still nobody wants me” I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK HEARD HER ️️️

I'm the "ugly" friend, for sure. Friends I've met throughout my adult life are shocked I've never had a drink bought for me at a bar, never get randomly hit on, never get free stuff. Their pretty privilege blinds them to any other experience, and it's equal parts satisfying and deeply painful to reveal this alternate reality.

When I was in the fourth grade or thereabouts, a popular girl called me over to her lunch table, and when I went over, she looked me up and down and said, “you are so ugly”.

You know what, I’ve been a victim and and a perpetrator

Prettiness also affects HEALTH CARE!!! I get treated way better when I’m skinny and have clear skin than when I’m a mess!

I'm suddenly starkly reminded of the time when I lost thirty pounds due to depression and untreated mental health issues, and everyone around me, including my parents, was fawning over "how good I looked", but had no idea that I was deeply unwell. After I got the treatment I needed, I gained back all the weight, but I didn't feel like I wanted to not be alive anymore. I never forgot the lesson I learned from that experience.

As an autistic black woman I learned early on that if I played into the look ideals of the community I was in I would gain more access. This access was so powerful and I realized that I could be weird or smart as long as I was pretty. Let’s just say growing up in white spaces meant that I always had to be ten steps ahead so I faced less discrimination. A fight that a lot of pretty white people will never fully grasp.

The way people will try to tell you that you're just being insecure when you express how hard it is for you to date as someone who isn't considered attractive is some of the most annoying shit ever. I've even gotten this from therapists (usually white so no surprise) who can't wrap their head around the fact that looking a certain way does in fact impact your dating life and the way people will treat you in the world. We live in a world where we love to gaslight marginalized people and make them feel like what they are experiencing isn't actually happening and that way people don't have to take responsibility for how they have participated in lookism.